Covert narcissism and sexuality
When you initially met, your spouse may have appeared thoughtful, dedicated, and keenly interested in ensuring that you had a nice time in bed.
Perhaps they showered you with gifts, flattery, and promises of true romance to the point where you were almost overcome by their allure.
However, as time passed, you began to observe several recurring red flags in their actions:
- They begin to criticize and disparage you, first gently, then openly.
- When you do or say anything they don’t like, they lash out in wrath or entirely ignore you.
- They don’t appear to care about what you like in bed anymore, instead focusing solely on their own desires.
You might start to wonder if your partner has a narcissistic personality disorder or if they have a general sense of entitlement and superiority, as well as a need for constant praise and adulation (NPD).
The term “personality disorder” refers to a range of mental health illnesses, including NPD, that are defined by dysfunctional thinking, feeling, and behavior patterns.
What are the signs of covert narcissistic sexual behavior?
Characteristics of NPD and other personality disorders seem to be very consistent throughout time.
These characteristics can be found in a variety of situations. So, someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) won’t just act narcissistic at work or around family and friends. You’ll soon pick up on the indicators in the majority of their interactions.
Key features that describe NPD can undoubtedly extend to all domains of your connection, including the bedroom, in a romantic or sexual relationship.
However, you may not always notice specific behaviors immediately away, especially if your partner makes a concerted effort to project a different image.
You can notice some of the following signs and symptoms if your sexual partner has NPD.
- They appear to be just interested in physical pleasure.
Sex can be a lot of joy, to be sure. Purely physical, no-strings-attached sex can be quite rewarding if both you and your partner are looking for it.
Sex (together with post-coital snuggling and pillow conversation) helps you connect with your spouse on an intimate level in a relationship. It not only feels amazing, but it also encourages bonding and improved intimacy.
Partners with NPD symptoms, on the other hand, may have little or no interest in developing intimacy once they’ve achieved their sexual fulfillment aim.
If you try to talk about your feelings or your connection with them, they may offer some minimal engagement but appear bored or disinterested and swiftly shift the conversation to how they are feeling.
- They require a great deal of praise.
People that engage in narcissistic conduct tend to have high self-esteem. They may believe that they are unique, gifted, and more important than others.
This might sometimes translate into prioritizing their own pleasure in bed. They may want you to meet their wants, but if yours aren’t satisfied, it’s not really their problem.
Self-importance, on the other hand, could indicate that they want to please you so that you can complement their abilities and tell them how caring they are as a partner.
Instead of telling them how much fun you had together, they might want you to tell them how excellent they are at sex and how much you liked the session in great detail.
Every time you have sex, they can look for this confirmation and acceptance. They may prod you for more compliments or even become furious if you don’t show them the admiration they expect.
- Their reaction when you disagree with them is abysmal
Let’s pretend you say something you didn’t like or something you’d like to try in the future.
Consider the following scenario:
- “Biting my neck irritates me.”
- “Please don’t hold my head while I slam into you.”
- “I think it would be a lot of fun to have sex standing up.”
It is very OK to state your own requirements and preferences. Even if you do it respectfully, comments like these may cast doubt on their self-perception as the “best” mate.
As a result, they may ignore your request, call out “flaws” in your appearance or performance, or make rude comments.
For example:
- “You always seemed to enjoy it before,”
- “I’m just trying to keep your head still because you’re not very good at it.” Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to finish.”
- “What do you think you’d know?” It’s not like you’re special in bed.”
- They believe they have a right to sex.
A partner with symptoms of NPD may expect you’ll leap at the chance to have sex whenever they’re in the mood because narcissism is often characterized by a sense of entitlement.
After all, shouldn’t the prospect of having sex with someone so handsome and brilliant excite you?
They may try to make you feel bad by stating you don’t care about them if you don’t want to have sex, accuse you of cheating; disparage you; compare your performance to that of previous partners; threaten to leave you or have sex with someone else.
You might not immediately perceive these actions as abusive. You might even begin to wonder if your unwillingness to have sex makes you a lousy relationship and that you are the one who is to blame.
However, these deception techniques fall under the category of sexual coercion. You can think of them as premeditated attempts to make you feel miserable so you’ll give in to their demands.
- They are unconcerned about your feelings.
Narcissism is characterized by a lack of empathy.
Low empathy does not imply that a person is absolutely incapable of comprehending the feelings of another.
However, this implies that they may not devote much time to considering the consequences of their actions. They may even appear oblivious to the fact that other individuals have feelings.
If your partner exhibits symptoms of NPD, you can get the idea that nothing else matters as long as they get what they want.
Maybe they have a very particular and thorough plan for how your encounters should go. They tell you what they want to do, how they want to do it, what you should wear to bed and say during sex, and so forth. They don’t solicit your input or take into account the possibility that you might wish to try something different.
You may begin to feel more like an object than a companion as a result of this.
Does it come across the same way every time?
There is a continuum of narcissistic tendencies.
It’s possible to exhibit a number of narcissistic characteristics without satisfying all of the diagnostic criteria for NPD. These characteristics might manifest themselves in varying degrees of severity.
When you bring out problematic habits, a spouse with less severe narcissistic traits may be more inclined to admit them. They might also pay greater attention to your emotional and sexual demands.
Someone with strong NPD symptoms, on the other hand, may be convinced that only their wants are important. They may try to manipulate and exploit you in the future in order to meet those desires.
Many people are familiar with grandiose narcissism’s excessive sense of superiority and self-importance, but vulnerable (covert) narcissism can take on a quite different appearance.
When you confront or criticize their conduct, a partner with grandiose narcissistic qualities may: • make outright sexual demands
- tell you that you’re incorrect
- ask for praise and compliments directly
- become openly outraged when you disagree
A partner with fragile narcissistic tendencies, on the other hand, may:
- use passive aggression or other manipulation tactics to obtain what they want
- shift blame to you when you point out problematic conduct
- put themselves down so you’ll provide compliments and praise
- be extremely sensitive to criticism and carry grudges when they believe you’ve offended them.
Many people with NPD features cheat on their relationships and try to persuade them to have sex with them.
Many people with NPD features cheat on their relationships and try to persuade them to have sex with them. However, narcissism does not guarantee that a person will cheat, employ sexual coercive tactics, or engage in sexually aggressive behavior.
